What I learned from my first heart break

The truth about breakups is that we learn much more from them than we believe. There are feelings we learn how to live with, choices we learn to never make again, and an appreciation for ourselves that we gain.

I would not take back my first heart break, regardless of how painful it was. Before that heart break I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t know who was important in my life and I didn’t appreciate the people I had. I lost friends and fought with family over a relationship that ended up not working out.

I have always been a do-it-all type of person. What I mean by this is that I will do anything I can to make the person I am dating happy. I will do anything I can to keep that person loving me. What I didn’t understand before my first heart break was that I can do all of these things and still end up on the back burner. I learned that I can go out of my way as much as I want, but that doesn’t mean someone will love me. And if they do love me, that doesn’t mean they will always. I learned that no matter what you do for a person, to never be surprised if they turn their back on you.

I learned to live with being alone. A feeling I was not used to and hated, quite honestly. It wasn’t until months later that I realized I survived without this person and that most of the time within those months was filled with happiness. Before the heart break, being alone was painful. It may have been painful because I knew what was happening when we weren’t together. I knew I wasn’t the only one in his life. I knew that his phone was filled with texts promising that I won’t ever find out. I know this because I had seen it. Still, I chose to stay. I was vulnerable, i was weak, and I definitely wasn’t me.

I learned to trust my gut. I learned that love cannot be forced.

After my first heart break I learned to appreciate myself. I was able to speak out more against attempts at taking advantage of me. I learned not to settle for anyone that didn’t deserve my love. I learned that unconditional love means that you love someone for who they are regardless of their flaws. That doesn’t include lying or cheating.

After this heart break I remained single for 2 years. I learned to love myself in those years, even if I still have a long way to go until complete self-acceptance. I am still suffering from what my first heart break caused me, low self-confidence. I am working on it though. And through the help of my current love and all of my friends, I am growing.

So I want to thank you. I want to thank you for lying and for cheating. I want to thank you for taking advantage of my kindness. I thank you because without you I would not have learned what real love isn’t. I would not have learned to be cautious of who I trust. I would not have learned how to look at myself and say that I deserve better.

So thank you for giving me back to me.


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